My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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