i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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