He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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