Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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