I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
