It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
