morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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