im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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