I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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