when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
