sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
BRING THE BAGELS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
