do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
