he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
