I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
