While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
