did you get engaged???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
