so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
