he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
