i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
