I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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