During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
FUCK WHALES
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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