i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
