Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
