Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
