I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
