The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
