Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
