Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
