You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My vagina just clenched in fear
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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