This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
