I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
