He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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