I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
