I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
