Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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