I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
