the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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