i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
