I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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