I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
