Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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