I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
