3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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