The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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