and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
