He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
