You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
