Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
