Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
