and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
