Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
