I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
