I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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