Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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